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Later, what will haunt her is that she can’t swear to the exact moment she last knew Ellie was there. They had gone to bed together; she knows that. She’s even certain — pretty well — no, definitely so — that at some point she’d half-woken and curled closer.
She has dreams she wakes from, though, into other dreams. Vivid ones, ones that loop over and over, waking and speaking to usual people until something goes wrong, dreams that leave her uncertain for sometimes hours later that she’s ever finally awoken. So had El really explained, in the purple of predawn, that she was getting up but that Eponine should sleep? Had Eponine said I love you back, aloud, or was that just an nice thought? Was all of it?
Hey, it’s okay. I’m just going to go take care of some stuff. I love you, go back to sleep.
It’s so eerily apt , that later it will turn over and over in her mind long after she’s decided it’s okay to hold onto it.
Right now, though, none of that occurs to her. She isn’t thinking about when she last saw Ellie or what she said. She’s simply letting the silence of the house settle over her.
She knows before she knows. ( Cut for length; cw for depersonalization / mild dissociation and not-quite being sick related to grief/stress )
Eponine comes back to herself with a start almost as she’s knocking on Bev’s window. This is her own old building and her best friend; she knows the fire escapes well enough for it to be almost as rote as the walk here, so the lack of keen memory of it isn’t important enough to worry about right now.
Still — it might be the best place she could have gotten herself, and she finds herself suddenly overwhelmed with the fervent hope that Bev’s home and awake.
She has dreams she wakes from, though, into other dreams. Vivid ones, ones that loop over and over, waking and speaking to usual people until something goes wrong, dreams that leave her uncertain for sometimes hours later that she’s ever finally awoken. So had El really explained, in the purple of predawn, that she was getting up but that Eponine should sleep? Had Eponine said I love you back, aloud, or was that just an nice thought? Was all of it?
Hey, it’s okay. I’m just going to go take care of some stuff. I love you, go back to sleep.
It’s so eerily apt , that later it will turn over and over in her mind long after she’s decided it’s okay to hold onto it.
Right now, though, none of that occurs to her. She isn’t thinking about when she last saw Ellie or what she said. She’s simply letting the silence of the house settle over her.
She knows before she knows. ( Cut for length; cw for depersonalization / mild dissociation and not-quite being sick related to grief/stress )
Eponine comes back to herself with a start almost as she’s knocking on Bev’s window. This is her own old building and her best friend; she knows the fire escapes well enough for it to be almost as rote as the walk here, so the lack of keen memory of it isn’t important enough to worry about right now.
Still — it might be the best place she could have gotten herself, and she finds herself suddenly overwhelmed with the fervent hope that Bev’s home and awake.